Believe In Santa? Ur Santamental!

Last Xmas I Crapped down the chimneys of Non-believers

All you kids out there who believe in the fat man in the red suit bearing gifts; it’s time you realized  that aint Santa but daddy dearest who leaves you all those goodies. What?? You don’t believe me?! Fine, lets discuss some facts here:

1. Wonder why the rich kids always get more gifts than the poor kids? Thats cuz their daddies can afford  a PS3 (Sony doesn’t even deliver to the Arctic circle, so you tell me how can Santa get his fat hands on one of those!!) and other goodies at the same time. So if Santa does exist and treats em rich kids better, then he is a F’ING PRICK!!

2. Of the Billion+ kids in the world, Santa doesn’t seem to handle home delivery for kids of all religions except one.  So if Santa does exist, he is a religiously biased J******!!

3. Assuming most folks don’t leave their doors unlocked on Christmas Eve for a stranger with a huge bag to walk into their houses and past their bedrooms (a lot could be happening in there you know) so that he can get their under aged kids to love him for the gifts he brings them(the bloody pervert!) , Santa would be an International Criminal wanted  for breaking(oh c’mon, how many ppl have a chimney big enough to let a fatassed Santa through? .. Or even a chimney for that matter ) and entering residences around the world!

4. Assuming Santa delivers to at least coupla million kids in the world, his gifts would amount to a few million kilos in weight. That would require hundreds of thousands of reindeer to pull his sleigh, which would increase the entire payload to like a bazzilion tons… That’s 6 times the weight of Adnan Sami (before he sliced off all his excess flab to feed the malnourished cannibalistic ppl of the world)! Moving that kinda  weight around is just not possible.

5. Now even if he did manage to pull that kinda weight around he’d still have to travel around the globe at mad speeds to make millions of deliveries in one night. That would mean a few hundred homes every second! That includes the time required to park his sleigh, get into the house, lay the gifts under the tree, get out and get going.  This means Santa and his sleigh moves at few thousand times the speed of sound. At that speed Rudolph and the rest of the team of reindeer would burn up and vaporize in less than a second and the sleigh would crash-land and…… ahh.. well lets just say if Santa ever did try to deliver on Xmas ever.. he is dead now.

Reality bites, I know. But the day you stop believing in Santa is the day the Tooth fairy and Peter Pan decide to pay you a visit. Trust me!