Do you remember your childhood fantasies? They would perhaps now seem like pure and untainted dreams, more vivid with light, in a time when the future seemed without limit. Almost like being in love. And you’ve been in love, almost everyone has.
It’s not that I’ve never fallen in.. I’ve felt that hormonal surge, that particular longing, that feeling of comfort with someone else. I’ve felt that many many times and I have memories to prove it. Not flames, mind you; not flames anymore but embers with it’s comforting light.
But to love, to really love.. I don’t really know how that works but I’d imagine that one must let go of everything one knows, of everything one holds dear, one must open ones self up. Love after all, is the grandest emotion of them all. Many layered, varied ingredients give varied levels of the same emotion, Never easy.. I know, but if you want to feel that fire, you have to risk getting burned.
I used to keep my emotions in a wooden box but they kept escaping. So i wrapped my emotions in clingwrap plastic and lead foil but they still managed to find a way out. I locked my emotions in a wooden box in a velvet pouch and i put the pouch inside another wooden box… Didn’t work, never does.
Throw the box in the river, bolt the doors, pull the blinds, cover your head with a blanket… You can try to fool yourself into not feeling anything but what you cast away will surface again, come back sliding under the door, filtering through the blinds, tap you on your shoulder, look you in the eye and flash a big toothy grin.
Some people are like that… The less real the object of their desire, the more real their obsession. But that explains nothing. I have real desires, i have no obsession. I own them, they do not possess me. They are at all times under my control… a controlled loss of control. I cant fight it but I can have it punch me with velvet lined, cotton & bamboo fiber padded boxing gloves.