Yikes!!! Pigs Do Fly

 

Our world as we know it, is being held hostage by airborne pigs. Malls shutdown, Cinemas losing business etc, etc.. But anything associated with the swine sells like crazy, be it newspapers carrying the latest news, the weird masks and what not. I hear there are coupla movies in the pipeline with the flu theme like ‘Love in the time of the Flu’, ‘Crouching Pig, Hidden Flu’ and oh yeah!!… they just leaked out the spell which Harry Potter will use on Voldermort for their final showdown.. it goes like "Hippity Hop Gingamajig, turn Voldermort into a PIG!!". 
But this is really turning into a serious issue and people should follow these procedures to protect themselves and/from others: 
1: {(Carry a Gun)}. Remember, the swine aint dangerous unless the swine ‘flew’ away. So if you come across them, shoot the damned beasts as soon as they start flapping their newfound wings. 
2: {(Get the N95)}. Nokia has come out with a revamped version of the original N95, the new one emits high frequency radio waves that fries the virus in air. Only problem is the added risk of impotency but what do you value more?? Your life or the ability to make babies?? The new N95 is available at most drug stores at a discounted price. 
3: {(Alcohol)}. You must have noticed the sanitizers available at all the Infy Buildings. Rub a little of the gel on your dirty hands and that kills the virus. Its the alcohol in the gel that does all the killing. So have two shots of alcohol (whiskey/vodka(for the ladies)/brandy/woteva), two(or more) times a day and that should keep the flu at bay. 
4: {(Shoot Yourself)}. If you have followed all of the above measures and still contracted the flu, then you got a real shitty immunity system buddy. You still have the gun I told you to get for procedure 1?? Well do the world some good and shoot yourself please. 
5: Those of you who have had the flu and survived…. Well.. congrats!!! In the words of The Joker "What doesnt kill you, only makes you…. Stranger". The virus and your body(the host) share a symbiotic relation and are at perfect harmony with each other. Thou shall now think,act and eat like a pig. Worst part is, thou shall never be turned on by humans of the opposite sex ever again, thou shall have the hots only for pigs!!

P.S: This was a post i had written when the whole swine flu thingy was at its peak

Here Comes The AVATAR

Bollywood is just a place where blokes from Mumbai mistake each other for movies stars (Naseerudin Shah, Abhay Deol, Vinay Pathak and those few others like them aint included). One thing that can kill the movies of today (especially the Bollywood ones) is education. Somebody who can’t act for nuts or even speak the language can go on to win a national award just because she looks like an angel. If you don’t look like an angel then just show some skin, you can still leave your mark (or at least your clothes) in the industry. The dress code for Bollywood is the lesser the better and that applies to both sexes.

At Hollywood the making of bloody horror flicks is a dying art, pun not intended. Scripts are so bad that nowadays you can’t even judge a book by its movie, pun intended. The last supposedly tragic movie I saw was tragic for different reasons; my tear ducts took the day off. It didn’t move me to tears, it did succeed in making me move the mouse and close the media player. I watch all genres of film but my favorite kinda timepass movie is those action suspense types. Sadly, these days the primary suspense is the uncertainty as to whether there would be 45 seconds or a full two minutes between one massive explosion and the next. In those films the sky is seldom blue for long, black billows, orange flame and flying debris fill the screen at regular intervals. One smoking hot female, a wuss of a boyfriend and coupla robots (with a fetish for sleek cars) going ninja on coupla other robots (with a fetish for machines that fly) can make a summer blockbuster!! What is the movie world coming too?? If it were not for Peter Jackson, I would have lost all faith in Hollywood’s sensible-action-movie-churning factory.

The eyes of all the sensible-actionloving-thrillseeking movielovers out there are looking at the one man who can resurrect this almost brain-dead industry. After 12 too bludy damn long years director James Cameron returns to cinema with AVATAR!!! The director of Blockbusters like Aliens, Terminator, Titanic and his magnum opus Terminator-2: Judgment Day is back to blow your mind one more time. You should see the trailer in high def to see what I’m talkin about). The animation and CGI is like nothing you have ever seen before. If you don’t like it then your grey matter has turned black cuz of all the crap you have been seeing lately, go watch the movie at an IMAX when it comes out to experience sheer awesomeness. If you still don’t like it I’ll eat my shoe!!!

Wake me up after October and November ends

Here Goes Nothin….

Ok … I have been thinking about starting my very own Blog for quite sometime now, but the thought never took form (I’ll blame the perception exams, my very uneventful life in recent times… Hell, I’ll even blame poor ol Saddam while I’m at it)… yet. But Yippee!! I finally found time for this.. A good start, would be to start with a beginning. And so ends the start of my first blog to kickstart my bloggin endeavor.. I guess that should do for starters 🙂