Our world as we know it, is being held hostage by airborne pigs. Malls shutdown, Cinemas losing business etc, etc.. But anything associated with the swine sells like crazy, be it newspapers carrying the latest news, the weird masks and what not. I hear there are coupla movies in the pipeline with the flu theme like ‘Love in the time of the Flu’, ‘Crouching Pig, Hidden Flu’ and oh yeah!!… they just leaked out the spell which Harry Potter will use on Voldermort for their final showdown.. it goes like "Hippity Hop Gingamajig, turn Voldermort into a PIG!!".
But this is really turning into a serious issue and people should follow these procedures to protect themselves and/from others:
1: {(Carry a Gun)}. Remember, the swine aint dangerous unless the swine ‘flew’ away. So if you come across them, shoot the damned beasts as soon as they start flapping their newfound wings.
2: {(Get the N95)}. Nokia has come out with a revamped version of the original N95, the new one emits high frequency radio waves that fries the virus in air. Only problem is the added risk of impotency but what do you value more?? Your life or the ability to make babies?? The new N95 is available at most drug stores at a discounted price.
3: {(Alcohol)}. You must have noticed the sanitizers available at all the Infy Buildings. Rub a little of the gel on your dirty hands and that kills the virus. Its the alcohol in the gel that does all the killing. So have two shots of alcohol (whiskey/vodka(for the ladies)/brandy/woteva), two(or more) times a day and that should keep the flu at bay.
4: {(Shoot Yourself)}. If you have followed all of the above measures and still contracted the flu, then you got a real shitty immunity system buddy. You still have the gun I told you to get for procedure 1?? Well do the world some good and shoot yourself please.
5: Those of you who have had the flu and survived…. Well.. congrats!!! In the words of The Joker "What doesnt kill you, only makes you…. Stranger". The virus and your body(the host) share a symbiotic relation and are at perfect harmony with each other. Thou shall now think,act and eat like a pig. Worst part is, thou shall never be turned on by humans of the opposite sex ever again, thou shall have the hots only for pigs!!
P.S: This was a post i had written when the whole swine flu thingy was at its peak
Over the top and down under 